i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
