I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I smell stomach acid.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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