I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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