The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
