If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
