her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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