Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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