It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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