I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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