i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
