I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
