I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
