Umm I'm too high to move.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There r osticjed everywhere
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
