If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize