This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
everyone is single if you try hard enough
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
