I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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