I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
