She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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