Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
