I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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