We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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