I accidentally burped into my bong.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
