just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
