He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
