i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
