whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
