just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
