Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
