you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
