Texts From Last Night

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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?

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  (865): you can't get genital warts from dogs can you? http://tfl.nu/z1i1
  Replies (43) Good night (908) Bad night (14521)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

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  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (8071) Bad night (1546)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

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  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6681) Bad night (1399)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  this must be what syphilis tastes like

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  (302): this must be what syphilis tastes like http://tfl.nu/o277
  Replies (15) Good night (888) Bad night (6160)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...

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  (828): You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on... http://tfl.nu/x8fm
  Replies (7) Good night (2666) Bad night (1048)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.

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  (703): I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin. http://tfl.nu/zjl9
  Replies (6) Good night (3609) Bad night (1174)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Maybe I should forgo underwear.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  This is a family BBQ no?

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  (214): Maybe I should forgo underwear. (314): This is a family BBQ no? http://tfl.nu/2i6y
  Replies (4) Good night (2346) Bad night (1307)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.

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  (631): Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof. http://tfl.nu/txgs
  Replies (2) Good night (1437) Bad night (667)
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  (+33): View more from France

  We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?

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  (+33): We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be? http://tfl.nu/rs8r
  Replies (15) Good night (2344) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention

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  (413): when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention http://tfl.nu/m2zs
  Replies (4) Good night (1873) Bad night (691)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.

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  (902): figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it. http://tfl.nu/pdw3
  Replies (5) Good night (624) Bad night (1279)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.

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  (240): The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off. (301): Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes. http://tfl.nu/qb2k
  Replies (3) Good night (1203) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink

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  (303): And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink http://tfl.nu/e5yq
  Replies (0) Good night (413) Bad night (532)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.

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  (613): After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot. http://tfl.nu/zug5
  Replies (4) Good night (914) Bad night (311)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"

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  (517): We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!" http://tfl.nu/8tru
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (294)

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