That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out