i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors