I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.