9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus