i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
