3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.