Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!