i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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