you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.