i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
