yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone shit on the floor
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
