plz talk dirty to me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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