My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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