the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
