Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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