Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
