Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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