just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
