You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
