Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
