i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
worst night to have a conscience
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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