afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
