Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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