Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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