yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
