You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
