I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
