I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize