How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
