I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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