im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Rumble strips road head = magical
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
