paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
