I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
