pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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