Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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