If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
