That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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