I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
