I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
