I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
