She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
