apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
