Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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