Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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