two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
