Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
