I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
