Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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