R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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