she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize