just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
