I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.