I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.