i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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